Have you ever been lost or ended up somewhere completely different from where you thought you would be? If so and if you are like me, you may recall feeling uneasy, even fearful, when you realized that you were not where you should have been. Finding yourself in unfamiliar territory, even temporarily, can be a bit disconcerting.
Years ago, heading home after a date with John, I made a wrong turn on Route 37. I remember the anxiety I felt when I failed to recognize any of the scenery. But, I ignored my gut and kept traveling until I reached the first sign for Marietta. For those of you unfamiliar with Ohio, Marietta is very close to the state border. Only then did I realized how far I had traveled in the wrong direction.
It was a long way back home as I had quite literally more than doubled the time I would spend on the road. Beyond shook up, I also felt a bit disoriented, caught in a situation that seemed surreal. Seeing that sign for Marietta reminded me of a Twilight Zone episode I watched years ago, the one where a couple wakes up after a night of drinking in a strange house and an unfamiliar town. As they explore their new surroundings, they find that everything is fake. The only phone has no connective hardware, kitchen cabinets are simply boards tacked to the wall and the nonworking refrigerator contains fake food. Outside no birds are heard. As they leave the house, the women reaches for a squirrel perched in a tree only to find that the squirrel is stuffed and the tree is a standing prop. Grass is made of paper mache. No one is in any of the homes or the church. Understandably, they are relieved when they finally find a parked car with what looks to be a human being behind the wheel. But on closer inspection, they find that the car has no engine and the human being is a mannequin. Towards the end of the episode, they hop a ride on the only moving object in the town, a train, only to be returned to the exact same spot they had left behind.
No matter what action they took or which direction they chose, the destination would always the same. They were trapped in this small town with no hope of escape.
I literally felt shaky until I was back in Lancaster and headed home on a familiar road.
John and I spend many summer mornings sitting at the table in our backyard enjoying the various critters and creatures that inhabit our garden. One Friday I spotted the ant in the picture on the rim of the table. He scurried along the rim for hours, passing me several times, but never changing directions. I finally brushed him into my hand and placed him on the ground. Yet, on Saturday, again, there was a single ant circling the rim of the table.
Meditation
Certainly, my situation on Route 37 was in many ways, different, from the Twilight Zone episode and my visiting ant. Once I recognized my error, I knew the way home. I just needed to turn around.
So why the fear?
Maybe familiarity and direction were never the issues. Perhaps, my emotions were more connected with the need to be in control of my circumstances. Control is comforting and it is hard to navigate situations when information is lacking or inaccurate. I like being the master of my own universe. But the truth is, I am not, and unfamiliar instances are uncomfortable reminders that all may not be as it seems.
Maybe, I will visit the Twilight Zone and emancipate that couple trapped in the small town, unless the giggling child finds me first. Oh…I didn’t tell you about that part, did I? Well sorry, no spoiler’s here. You will have to visit that unknown place all by yourself.